How to Kill a Tree

I am going to show you how to kill your favorite tree in 10 easy steps - steps arranged from cradle to grave. 

Difficulty Level: Easy      Time Required: 10 minutes

Here's How:

1. Leave your new and to be planted baby tree out in the drying sun and wind.
2. Plant your baby tree but do not water it.
3. Fertilize your tree often by doubling the recommended rate (especially during dry conditions).
4. Bang your tree with a lawnmower or rip with a weed trimmer.
5. Use your car to tap, firmly, the tree bark ( and remember that tree roots just hate cars parking on top of them).
6. Prune your tree way back,  leaving less than 2/3 of the live crown.
7. Pave the ground above the tree roots.
8. Use and store chemicals and other materials over the root zone.
9. Invite construction crews in to work around the tree and, by all means, let them trench.
10. Use your tree as a utility pole for fences, mailboxes, deer stands, electric lights, etc.

Tips:

1. To enhance all of the steps above, plan for your trees' future by planting it under or near a powerline.
2. Stake the young tree tightly and leave wire until the tree grows over it.
3. Never, please, never mulch around your tree.
   

Related Features:

• How to Prune a Tree
• Ten Commandments of Tree Seedling Survival