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How To Kill a Tree You Love!

By Steve Nix, About.com

I am going to show you how to kill your favorite tree in 10 easy steps. Steps arranged from cradle to grave. These are things you do not want to do if you want a tree to survive.

Here are the best methods to kill a tree when they just have to go, love or no love! More FAQ

Difficulty: Easy
Time Required: 10 minutes or less

Here's How:

  1. Leave your new and to be planted baby tree out in the drying sun and wind. Weatherize
  2. Plant your baby tree but do not water it. Skip the Water
  3. Fertilize your tree often by doubling the recommended rate (especially during dry conditions). Let 'em Eat
  4. Bang your tree with a lawnmower or rip trunk with a weed trimmer. Bump and Bang
  5. Use your car to tap, firmly, the tree bark (and remember that tree roots just hate cars parking on top of them). Park and Tap
  6. Prune your tree way back, leaving less than 2/3 of the live crown. Prune with Zest
  7. Pave the ground above the tree roots. Pack and Pave
  8. Use and store chemicals and other toxic materials over the root zone. Nuke the Root Zone
  9. Invite construction crews in to work around the tree and, by all means, let them trench. Dig a Trench
  10. Use your tree as a utility pole for fences, mailboxes, deer stands, electric lights, etc. Living Utility Pole

Tips:

  1. To enhance all of the steps above, plan for your trees' future by planting it under or near a powerline.
  2. Stake the young tree tightly and leave wire until the tree grows over it.
  3. Never, please, never mulch around your tree.
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